Cruisin...

It's been awhile.  

In my absence Dwyan and I went on a cruise.  It was seriously one of the BEST times of my life.  It was also the first time we ever spent that much time together.  We enjoyed it so much and definitely want to make it a priority to go again.  It would even be fun to go with my family - i.e. brother and sister..hint hint. :) Or even go with other couples.  Fun times would be had indeed.

Since I've returned from the cruise from paradise - no really we went to Paradise Island in the Bahamas - I feel like I literally hit the ground running.  March is busy time for debate.  It is also when my students took the first part of their SOL and when I decided to teach research. AAAAH.  So, I've found that whenever my plate feels too full, I must clean something.  It makes me feel like I have control over something.  This week it was my desk at school. We'll see how long that lasts. :)

I'm also still getting used to this spring forward thing.  Waking up at 5 am is never easy though.  

Hopefully more later...

Multi.Tasking. Machine

An epiphany.  I think I had one.  


I've always had a lot to balance in my life.  Whether it was professionally, personally, or emotionally, it seems like I always do best when I have more than at least three things circulating at once. It wasn't until my early twenties that I tried doing one thing at a time.  It was a nice change of pace, but clearly I am in the fast lane again - juggling many things at once.


Towards the end of last year I found myself complaining a lot about my current to do lists.  I didn't have enough time or energy or money or you fill in the blank.  Well, I don't have an overabundance of those things now, but I got a whif of my words.  All I could hear was complaint after complaint or excuse after excuse.  


I'll admit, it was not a pretty smell.  I'm always the first to try to be the positive person or solve a problem for others, I realized - why can't/ don't I do this for myself? I have a had time believing that I deserve good things/nice things/pretty things.  I'm a hard worker and have always equated hard work with happiness or having to work for affection/good things.  So, I guess I naturally fell into the line of thought that I couldn't enjoy the chaos for a bit or enjoy and be grateful that I can manage the lists and things.  


I like pats on the back, but I don't know how to ask for them.  And when I don't get them, I feel like I'm not doing a good job.


So, here comes my epiphany...I can be proud of myself. I can breathe and I can reassure myself that I am doing a good job. Part of being strong is relying on myself and Him to just get. the. job. done.  Unfortunately the world doesn't use sticker charts or awards to reassure you that you are on the right track.  I'm the first to tell my students that, yet it is sometimes the thing I struggle with the most. 


Don't get me wrong, it is not a daily thing...but I might go strong in my routine for a good two - three weeks and then be super hard on myself.  


Change is the only constant in the universe.  


Just keeping swimming!

Why?

Today I will post a short list of questions:

Why does my boss who has been teaching for 24 years continue to ask me for advice on teaching?! Last time I checked 24 years of teaching English  > 4 years of teaching English.

Why, regardless of the job I have, do I always seem to have enough money to cover my needs, but never for my wants?

Why is there no cure for jealousy?

Why is it sooooo cold? Brrr...

Snowed In

Due to the large amount of snow that fell on the ground, I never made it to the library.  At this point, if I went to the library, I don't think I'd have enough time to start and finish a book before break is over...


However, being snowed in was kind of nice.  I feel like snow forces the world to slow down and enjoy nature for just a little bit.  I tried to be as productive inside as mother nature was outside.  We cleaned and just enjoyed each other's company.  It is always nice to have extra minutes with those you love.  My husband works so hard and LONG hours, it is nice to have him around the house.  


As much as I love staying in, the snow also forced me to think of work and how I am ready to get back into the routine.  I'm a teacher and routine is something that is a basic of a good, structured classroom.  I enjoy getting to know my students and helping them reach new heights.  Since I teach high school I doubt many of them care to reach the same heights I desire they reach, but I enjoy that working with that age group.  Since my son is so young, 14 months, it is a nice balance of personalities and types of demands.  When I come home and work with him and teach him things, it is a welcome change after a day full of moodswings and work drama.  But, I need the balance of both! Because, I'm also grateful when my husband comes home so that I can have some adult conversation. 


As 2011 approaches I still have no slogan.  I wonder if my epiphany will come soon.  The only words that rhyme with eleven - because rhyming is an crucial part of a slogan - are Devin and heaven.  I'm sure it will hit me from nowhere.  Until then...

Winter Break

The first day of Winter Break is always filled with excitement and a sense of promise.  I tend to make plans to read x amount of books or complete or even start projects that will be finished by the time I must return to the working world on January 3rd.  At times I am successful.  


However, I've noticed a trend with myself lately.  Perhaps you do this too.  Do you ever find yourself making a list for the sake of making a list?  I mean, after making a list sometimes the feeling of accomplishment that I get from my desire to be successful is enough of a euphoria to keep me going.  So much so that I sometimes neglect the list.  Counterproductive I know, but such a trap.  


Well, in addition to my desire to re-find organization, I would also like to find my friend follow through. Like most moms, I find myself willing to do anything and everything for others in all facets of my life.  I'm the first to volunteer to spear head something or answer a question or find the answer to a question.  I'm the first to go out of my way to make sure you are happy and satisfied and I'll double check on you to make sure you are still satisfied.  You get the point.  But when it comes to me, I'm last on the list.  


When I first found out I was going to be a mommy, this was one of the things that I vowed to myself that I would try NOT to do.  I've seen so many moms lose their identity in their children and their family.  While I do agree that your focus changes to your family and children when you become a mom, I don't think that you have to lose your identity to them.  Just as moms desire for their children to have their own identity and sense of belonging and purpose, why not model that best by doing it themselves.  I believe that when moms or any person for that matter, models what they are preaching, it is the most effective lesson and testimony.  


All this to say, I want to follow through on my resolve to invest as much time and energy into myself as I pour into my family.  


And, I'm headed to the library today to pick a good book or two. :)  

A New Beginning

I've taken the plunge.  I'm starting a blog.


My sister and I talked about it and said that if worse comes to worse we would read each others.  And, I appreciate that.  I love to write.  As a writer I know that not all writing is meant to be private.  There are some thoughts that are meant to be shared and get feedback or a reaction.  I look forward to it and hope that this venue is one where I can both track and trace my moments of lucidness and randomness. 


This past year was truly a year of transition for me.  Hence, the name of the blog.  Nothing I read, heard, or thought I experienced could have prepared for the the anything and everything I experienced this past year.  I don't mean that in a negative way, but I also don't mean it in a positive way either - just a way.  


As 2011 approaches I will consciously remember everything that I learned and hope that I can grow from it all.  I've always loved developing slogans for the new year.  Maybe it has something to do with the fact that every church I attended seemed to have one as their catch phrase or mission for the year when the new year rolled around.  I also am a fan of simple and cheesy things - even when I'm the only one. :) Usually by this time I've already thought of a slogan/motto and written it all over my calendar, planner or on the fridge. :) However I haven't had an epiphany yet.  When it arrives, trust - you'll know.


A closing thought...Organization.  It used to be something that I prided myself on.  Everything was organized.  My planners were color coded.  I had boxes for everything.  Things were paper clipped, stamped and placed in alphabetical order.  I wasn't ocd, but I enjoyed the structure of organization.  Looking back I think it was because it was something that I could control and I didn't have much control over anything really.  But, as I've become comfortable in my adult life I've left my dear friend organization.  And, I've told myself I'm okay with it, but I'm really not.  So, that is one of my goals - before 2011 gets here, I want more organization in my life...not the crazy kind, but the kind that gives me the structure that I need and desire.