Multi.Tasking. Machine

An epiphany.  I think I had one.  


I've always had a lot to balance in my life.  Whether it was professionally, personally, or emotionally, it seems like I always do best when I have more than at least three things circulating at once. It wasn't until my early twenties that I tried doing one thing at a time.  It was a nice change of pace, but clearly I am in the fast lane again - juggling many things at once.


Towards the end of last year I found myself complaining a lot about my current to do lists.  I didn't have enough time or energy or money or you fill in the blank.  Well, I don't have an overabundance of those things now, but I got a whif of my words.  All I could hear was complaint after complaint or excuse after excuse.  


I'll admit, it was not a pretty smell.  I'm always the first to try to be the positive person or solve a problem for others, I realized - why can't/ don't I do this for myself? I have a had time believing that I deserve good things/nice things/pretty things.  I'm a hard worker and have always equated hard work with happiness or having to work for affection/good things.  So, I guess I naturally fell into the line of thought that I couldn't enjoy the chaos for a bit or enjoy and be grateful that I can manage the lists and things.  


I like pats on the back, but I don't know how to ask for them.  And when I don't get them, I feel like I'm not doing a good job.


So, here comes my epiphany...I can be proud of myself. I can breathe and I can reassure myself that I am doing a good job. Part of being strong is relying on myself and Him to just get. the. job. done.  Unfortunately the world doesn't use sticker charts or awards to reassure you that you are on the right track.  I'm the first to tell my students that, yet it is sometimes the thing I struggle with the most. 


Don't get me wrong, it is not a daily thing...but I might go strong in my routine for a good two - three weeks and then be super hard on myself.  


Change is the only constant in the universe.  


Just keeping swimming!

Why?

Today I will post a short list of questions:

Why does my boss who has been teaching for 24 years continue to ask me for advice on teaching?! Last time I checked 24 years of teaching English  > 4 years of teaching English.

Why, regardless of the job I have, do I always seem to have enough money to cover my needs, but never for my wants?

Why is there no cure for jealousy?

Why is it sooooo cold? Brrr...